With The Weight Of The World On My Shoulders, They Just Want To See Me Fall..

well after i wrote i sat on my lawn with hallie and we ate popcorn. then 10 minutes later my mom drove us to her house to go in the pool. we went in for a while and then at 9:00 my mom picked me up. we went food shopping with my dad and that took like 5 seconds.. when i got home i read Lauren's blog. well i wish i could go back to 8th grade too. that was my best year. i wish i could back. i would give up anything to go back and fix all of the mistakes i made and just have none of this fucking shitty drama. im really convinced none of us are happy. not even lauren. Lauren's always happy...everyone takes everything to heart now. i mean so do i sometimes but not ALL the time. dan asked me the question who out of all of your friends is most trustworthy and i couldn't name any..that made me think. why cant i? a few minutes later i remembered something kristina told me. " you can never trust anyone 100%." and she's right, you can't. ive learned my lesson with past friends that i cant trust anyone. i think thats why i never talk about why im upset anymore. im better than i used to be but its still somehow the same. i dont know. im so confused with everything. and you questioning if i love you is just making it more confusing. i dont know if your're reading this but im not trying to be mean. like i do. you shouldn't have to question it all the time....well im glad paramore came out with a new song right when i needed it. i love paramore. i love alot of bands. but paramore is one of my favorites. their new cd is coming out september 29th. so excited. im also excited that im going to take guitar lessons again. i guess i stopped because i had a lot to worry about school but no. not this time. im not going to give up again. i might do dance again too. i need something to get everything off my mind anyways. because i really cant stand people. first you guys are "friends" and then you hate the person...how does that make any sence. then you flirt with the person and the next second you wont talk to them...ever. why cant you just make up your mind? whatever. i think its funny how the beginning of today i wasnt upset about anything and now look at what im writing everything negative. im trying to find something to stay happy about but nothing comes to mind.. 

"if i’m a bad person, you don’t like me,i guess i’ll go, make my own way,it’s a circle, a mean cycle,i can’t excite you anymore,where’s your gavel? your jury?,what’s my offense this time?,you’re not a judge but if you’re gonna judge me,well sentence me to another life..."

- Paramore!