im not even sher why i try anymore. i try to be happy. and someone always just smacks it right now. my mom for instance, she sees me in jeans and a t-shirt but what does it matter if im just sitting home alone and not going out? i cant be comfortable in my own house anymore. "people judge by apperance stephanie and whats going to happen when you go for a job interview?!" all i say is "thats so diffrent and you know it." i really dont know what to do anymore. i dont want to change. to be honest, i like the way i dress...well..sometimes. sometimes i really dont care if im wearing sweatpants and a huge t-shirt all day. but i guess she cares. she says she does it out of love but im not sher how that shows love. whatever. fuck you. i really dont know. and my dad? hes never there anymore. hes always working and my mom gets so mad because were never together as a family. all day everyday im home alone. nobodys home. dont get me wrong, i dont mind be home alone. but i also love waking up and having everyone up together. i love vacations with my family too. the last one we had was on a cruise when i was about 10, 11? but it wasnt just me my mom my dad and my sister. it was people from my dads work. oh well. things will only change if i do something about it. but my mom does too. i cant be the only one trying all the time. well, sean and matt are coming over at 6 to play guitar. tomorrow, were going to matts house. that should be fun i guess. LAUREN COMES HOME TONIGHT. i cant wait to see her. its kinda bad haha. well, i guess i should go clean up before they come. kbye.

"One more thing.Why is it my fault? So maybe I try too hard,But its all because of this desire,I just wanna be liked, I just wanna be funny.Looks like the jokes on me,So call me captain backfire..."

-John Mayer