you're the reason why I'm home

i haven't written in 2 days...ew. haha anyways yesterday was a good day. i went to hallies with lauren. we went to cedar park and took lots of pictures haha. then i drove tee tee home. i wish she didnt have to go. i wish we didnt have to leave her home. she really wanted me to sleep there and i wanted to but i didnt because i needed the hours. i dont know what happened to me as we were pulling out the drive way but something triggered me to cry. my mom has seen me cry about once or twice. even she said she never sees me cry. i dont want to loose tee tee. everytime she says her life is over it hurts to hear her say that. i might not be with her everyday and when she is over i might not be home all the time but i do love her and her company. anyway, enough about tee tee. today we went to gurwin and it was our last day. im going to miss that place as much as i hated waking up in the morning, it was nice there. im still going to go on sundays though which is always good. school starts in 9 days..im scared when i see him im going to like breakdown. every time some serene love song comes on i think of him, but i dont even know why. i dont know if i miss him, or the things he said. but he moved on. so i dont know why its taking me so long to do the same. but i just wish everything could go back to the old days. where everyone was invited everywhere and we only had stupid drama where someone said her shirt was ugly, they would fight for a day and be fine the next day. but that wont happen. people move on and find diffrent friends. they find they arent similar and walk away. im not that girl. i want one or two people i can hangout with everyday and then with everyone else. i dont like people being left out either. getting off topic again, i read kristinas blog. damn that girl makes me think to much ahah. but she was talking about how people think of her diffrently but she doesnt care. sometimes i do care. i dont want people to think im a bitch but they can think what they want. i just wish i knew who i was like she pretty much does. some days i do, but somedays i dont. some people even know what they want to go to college for. i dont. i wish i did. i thought i knew, but i most likely wont be happy doing that. i want to do something i love. but my lack of courage is slowing me down. i would LOVE to do spotlight and maddness in our school, but its not looking good for me. well i left hallie downstairs so i should go. bai.

p.s happy birthday. i wish we could be good friends again. 11:11.

...schools in 8 days...fuck.

"you fight with the ones that are closest to your heart."

- Joan Abbate<3>