today was a pretty relaxing day. i woke up and i walked to laurens. then we washed her dogs nelly and charlie haha. that was intresting. we opened her pool! :D then we sat outside and did homework and ate lunchh. then we went to my house and now were doing homework and just hanging out. i found a really cute outfit for tuesday! ahah :) anyways, this picture is like the story of my love life at the moment. i guess you cant help who you like but i think i have to. i dont know what to do. i need space from the world. i want it to be summer already. i cant deal with it anymore. these stupid regents, school drama, homework, teachers. all need to dissaper. all these guys in this stupid world are all the same. when i find one guy thats different...ill let you know. but this picture above explains the way i feel towards you. im pretty sure you dont feel the same way, but i dont care anymore. i just want you to know that. i mean i think i feel this way..who knows anymore. i cant worry about this because if i do i will be worrying forever.

Let's not forget the times,at 3132,Friends and family will hold,through and true,Always know, we couldn't be too far,From east to west,and the in-betweens,it's been miles and days,but it's so serene,Follow footsteps laid by giants,we'll try out turn..."

-artist vs poet

this picture makes me smile. but i need time to think. is it you, or is it you? i guess my friend was right. everyone comes into your life for a reason. and time will tell what is ment to happen. who knows if you feel the same way. i guess i will never know then, i will just have to wait. but waiting for you is like waiting for the time to stop passing. impossible.

"By now you know that,I'd come for you,No one but you,Yes I'd come for you,But only if you told me to,And I'd fight for you,I'd lie its true,Give my life for you,You know I'd always come for you..."

-nickelback<3!

this picture reminds me of you and i. yesterday was fun. jumped in the pool with my clothes on was amazing. haha. i could never picture myself doing something like that but im glad i did. i knew i was going to regret it later so why not,  right? well we got into a big fight again. i guess i just cant get things right between us. i dont like changing who i am for people, and i shouldn't have to. i know you dont like some of the things i do, or sometimes the way i act, but thats who i am. and i cant change that. well now i have you on my mind which is always fun. i love you also but i dont know what im going to do with you yet. i guess time will tell. and everything that happens will happen for a reason. 

well tonight im going to friendlys with lauren and kristina haha. maybe hallies after that with everyoneee. im going to try and get my mind off you..lets see how this is gonna work. bye bby! <3

"I've been beaten down, I've been kicked around,But she takes it all for me.And I lost my faith, in my darkest days,But she makes me want to believe."

-parachutee<33 

p.s i changed all the "she's" to "he's" 

i dont remember who's blog i stole this from but whoever it was thanks haha. today was an alright day. i read in like every class that probably why this day went so fast. i did that like all week and none of my teachers noticed. well, except jam. kinda funny. i started my new book today "go ask alice" its amazing. i cant put it down. its pretty bad. well my life right now is going pretty well. i have everyone and everything i love is right in front of my eyes....for now. i think everyone in my life right now deserves a thank you. thank you for being there through the  good and bad, the think and thin. it means a lot to me that you were there for me though it all. those times i needed you all, there you were, right next to me, encouraging me to keep trying or keep going, or whatever the situation was. when i needed someone to talk to, i knew i could go to any of you. i know people fight sometimes and maybe need some space from eachother, but that just makes us all closer at the heart. people can be annoying and bitchy sometimes, but people have there days where they dont feel like talking to anyone. i think im one of the people that has those days alot, but thanks for understanding. even when you feel like im pushing you away, remember i dont mean it. i tend to do that sometimes. so this blog is dedicated to thanking you for everything you did for me and everything you might do for me in the future. i love you<3!

"Cause if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me,

And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be,
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet,
And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street...."

-the script<3!

today was one of those days where something is bothering you but you just dont know what it is. of course school was school. i had to stay after for biology regents because dan and lauren made me. i really didnt want to and i took it out on them and im sorry. but in the end im glad they made me because i need to pass this regents.. its not like i even want to its a must. then i went back to laurens and we chilled with kyle. at 5:00 my mom picked me up from laurens house and i rearranged my room i feel like my room changes my moods sometimes. like if its messy ill be lazy that day nd not do my homework later. if its clean ill get to my homework right away and read after. that brings me to this book i read called "cut" it was about  a troubled 15-year-old protagonist, Callie. Callie faces some difficult emotional hurdles as a guest at the residential treatment center where she has been sent because she cuts herself with sharp objects. she doesn't speak to her fellow guests, or even her doctors at first. be it what the anorexic guests don't eat or how the substance abuse guests cope. Details of her stressful, dysfunctional home life trickle out along the way; it's at these points that Lewis's vulnerable voice invites listeners to feel compassion for Callie. As Callie makes breakthroughs with her therapists and comes to better understand her behavior and its causes, Lewis meets the challenge of tearful scenes. this book made me think about so much. every page in the book made me think about how that reflected in my life. what if i just stopped talking? i wonder if i had that problem would i have to go to a place called "sick minds"? when i read this book all emotions were running through me. i was happy,sad,depressed,confused,disappointed all at the same time. i guess thats why i read these types of books. the ones about people hurting themselves, or crazy shit like that. i think about them and relate them to my life. i love books that i can understand and actually think about and relate to me and my life. thats a thrill for me. reading has become a big part of my life. oh and i thought i should tell you, you mean everything to me. we might fight and we might both have our bad days. but i will always be there when your having a bad day and i will try and understand. im sorry for what went on in the past and i hope it never happens again. i love you to much to loose you. i dont know what i would do without you. sorry for taking my bad days out on you,but thank you for trying to understand. i know i might not be the best, but nobodys perfect...right?

well im going to the library soon to study for biology with lauren....again. kbye.

"What is life but a journey to be taken, a story to be written, a picture to be drawn. In which a life consists a joyus birth, tragic losses, a celebration of memories, sorrow-filled misfortunes, a love to be found and a dark-colored death. Only they can discover their own destiny, write their own story, paint their own picture. Whether they choose to paint a dark, saddened sky or to paint a flower with brilliant colors overflowed with happiness. Whether to write a tragic ending or to fortell a victory celebrated by many. But the most important part is looking back and asking yourself if that's the way you really wanted it to be like? Because some things can never be erased."

-Evan Li!

today was a good day. i felt like i wasnt even in school today. in ccc me and kristina signed up to be "egg mothers". so now we have to watch this egg thing till friday. of course, i named mine caleb! anyways, i cant stand jam. i get in trouble for reading in class. meanwhile, some prep is texting behind me and nothing happens to her. like really? whatever. *&^%$#@! and i really don't like when people do something when they know it will piss you off. like why go through the trouble of getting me mad? are you trying to make a point?anyways im going to the library soon for biology tutor and then gonna stay till closing time with lauren. shes getting her new phone today so thats exciting ahah and IM GETTING MY ANBERLIN TICKETS  TODAYYY!!! :D so excited haha nothing can ruin this day...well, you can. but dont.  i have a feeling this week is going to be a good one :)

peaceee<3!

the cab has been my inspiration for the past couple of months. thank you for helping me get by<3!

"Now it's time to leave the lights,And hope that the future is just as bright,Please think of me back home,So, so close"

-The Cab<3!

today was a pretty fun day. I went food shopping with my mom and tee tee. after we went to tropical smoothie and then picked up hallie. i told my mom i really wanted to go see anberlin and hey monday at the crazy donkey. anberlin is june 30th and hey monday is july 11th. i want to go to both but i had to was the 2 cars, clean my room COMPLETELY. as in top to bottom. and do whatever else my mom wants me to do. but she said i can only go to one concert. im gonna try and convince her to let me go to bothh :). anyways, me and hallie washed my moms car and my dads cause we had THAT MUCH FUN. i must say she is a very graceful child. now lauren is coming over and were probably gonna all walk to target, as usual. and i dont get why you wouldn't come to me about this. like if you think something is about you, ask me before you think it. because i dont want you to think something that isn't true. you probably think im lying about this but im not. im not to excited for tomorrow. back to school. i swear that place is torture. and im really scared for my regents because my mom said if i pass i can go to florida with a friend and i really want to! haha whatever i should go start my homework with hallieeeee. peaceee<3. i love you. 

"Burning down neverland (scatter the ashes),White lines black tar the matches,Is this another death by misadventure,Tell me what you got, what you really got (hey hey!),We’ll rest in our graves,Lexington cross your veins"

-anberlinn<3

today was an alright day. woke up, went to jones beach ^ with my sister and her friends lauren and lisa. that was fun. we watched the air show which was siccckkkk. we started heading home around 5:30 so we got back at 6:00 and then me and sean and dom got invited to dans house at 7:30. it was pretty fun. we had a bonfire there. it was funny how his mom kept coming outside to check on us, because it reminded me of my mom :). i guess in a way all parents are the same. at least i got to see him :). and can you stop copying me its kinda annoying like were not the same people you dont have to do everything i do. its really alright. thanks. whatever. i hope lauren gets home early from her aunts tomorrow. shes my sunday buddy. we hang out almost every sunday at my house. so she better be home haha. goodnight.

i love you<3

"I make the most of all the stress,I try to live without regrets,But I'm about to break a sweat,I'm freakin' out..."

-Jonas Brothers<3.

i know i wrote already today but when i saw this picture it made me smile :).  i wanted to let you know that you mean everything to me. sometimes i might not show it enough and i might push you away at times, but thats me being stupid. your always there for me through the thick and thin.  we might fight sometimes but that just brings us closer.i love you. i want you to know that. i always will. as time moves on i notice how happy i am when im with you. i never thought i would find someone so perfect like you. if anything ever happens between us, i will still always love you.  i know people say love is a strong word. i sometimes complain people use the word love a little to much, but i mean it.  you are there when i need you. right by my side when i need a shoulder to cry on, or just someone to make my day brighter. you are always that one person. i just thought i should tell you how much i love you. byee<3

"I need you now and forever,So stay right here with me, Don't ever leave,Love was kept from me like a secret,And I swore that I was through,Until you"

-dave barnes

i feel like i haven't written in forever. probably because i haven't haha. well yesterday was so much fun. we went to laurens with dom,tom,dan,chris for a little,sean, lauren and hallie. it was kristinas brothers birthday yesterday so she couldn't come and kristen had a pool party. but for the most part all of my favorite people were there. after that, lauren just randomly came over and slept over. we were kinda scared in the morning because i didn't ask and i didn't know what my parents were gonna say. so after 20 minutes we went downstairs and they really didnt care. so today i was outside with my grandma most of the day. her name is tina. we call her tee-tee for short. i love her. if anything ever happened to her, my life would fall apart. yes, she fights with people. alot. but she tells things like it is and i love that about her. she has no problem saying shit to your face thats 100% true. anyways, there all at her house well most of them anyways and im not there cause of my mom. shes a bitch. i dont know if laurens coming over later. shes with them why wwould she want to leave jsut to see me. i see her everyday. whatever. i guess im not going to jakes tonight. i think im just gonna sit home and watch a 1000 movies by myself or maybe i will call hallie. alright peace.

"Seconds hours so many days,You know what you want but how long can you waitl,every moment last forever if you feel you’ve lost your way,What if your chances are already gone,Started believing that I could be wrong,But you give me one good reason,to fight and never walk away"

-kris allen<333!

today was a good day...kinda :). i didn't do that much work in school but the amount of tests i have coming up is a bit scary. at least tomorrows friday! well to us anyway. tomorrow is memorial day :) pretty stoked! ahah we dont have school friday and monday! yay. i think im supposed to go to doms house tomorrow with people but who knows haha :P me and him didn't fight today which was a good start, considering last night was a train wreck. you weren't on again tho :/ whatever. i cant stay online and wait forever...can i? anyways, tonight was my chorus concert and not gonna lie, for once i looked really pretty haha. well i have massive amounts of homework to start so.....bye<3

"There's some things we don't talk about,Rather do without,And just hold the smile,Falling in and out of love,Ashamed and proud of,Together all the while..."

-The Fray!<33

DREAM.

Today was a blah day :). global flew right by, english we watched a movie "romeo and juliet",didn't go to math because i had a chorus lesson. spanish flew by. ccc was pointless. gym we did nothing. didn't even get dressed. biology felt like i was in that stupid class for 10 minutes. after school i went to  Lauren's and we sat outside. i took a picture of my favorite bracelet. i like what it preaches. dream. that could mean so many different things. it could mean dream big, keep dreaming, and so many other things. plus its from one of my favorite bands...mayday parade.  you werent online today. your the first person i look for when i log in. i know this isint right what im doing but, i love you? thats a strong word. i dont think i should be saying that so soon. but your so nice. i know i dont know you that well but i can tell your a good person. even if we were good friends i would settle for that.... this is so wrong what im doing.i would be crushed if i ever found out. treat others the way you want to be treated right? this cant happen. i have to stop....but is that possible?

"Too late, Too late, you can't try to resolve the past right now. But I sware I'll be the one, the one to remember what you've done... to me."

- ADTR

today was a good day. i saw him today :). this is so bad tho. like everyone tells me its not but i know it is. anyways went to school. wasn't so bad. then i went to hoyt farm and took 1000 pictures with lauren and i got this ^. i liked these 2 the best. if anyone hasant noticed, i go to her house everyday after school. i dont take my bus home. i took it once the whole year. i take it in the morning but never after school ahha. pretty sad, i know. went to friendlys with lauren and kyle! ahah went home took a shower and went on the computer and waited for him to log on...he never did until like 9:30 and then i had to sign off soon anyways. whatever. thats alright hehe :) i feel like i havent written in years. i love to tho. its my favorite thing to do besides listen to and play music. and go to shows haha. im only going to like 3 this summer but maybe 4 if im lucky. my mom said if i get a job i can go to more, but who knows when that will happen :) well i should get going byee<3!>

This is just broken love,Two hearts that can’t get enough,So when you have too much,You gotta, gotta give it up.."

-every avenue<333

today was most certainly a "the maine" day. lauren slept over last night and we watched one of my favorite movies the notebook. That movie is outstanding. then we woke up went to church and then me and my mom went to adelphi to help clean out my sisters dorm. of course i found shit that was mine and got mad cause i didn't know where it was. she always does that and in the end its somehow my fault...?whatever. then when i asked to go to laurens my mom flipped out and said if you go dont come home i wont let you back in. so whatever now laurens here and were gonna walk to target so i can get out of this house somehow. bye. 

"It made me sick to think about, Everything you put me through and how you left without, (Saying goodbye) And if it's really over now,Then you can walk away and it would be the last time"

-the maine<33

today was one of my better days. i had 2 quizzes today but they were pretty easy. jam made a mistake on my test and said i "changed it" because he wouldn't make a mistake like that. like really? he was probably smoking pot when he was grading it. he always makes mistakes on my tests like really? alright, i cant fight with this fucking man anymore. like he needs to realize i would be too scared to change my grade haha cause i would feel like somebody would find out...imma freak. anyways after school me dan dom sean and lauren went to hoyt farm. at first dan got really mad cause he thought i was mad at him and thats another story for another time. after that everything was okay. we went to doms house and we went to the park there and hung out. then we went back to doms aha and just sat on the swing. we talked about the future and the past. it was really nice. i don't think we ever did that before.  just sat there and talked. maybe we have but who knows, i have a horrible memory. well we left at like 9:00 and now laurens sleeping over mah house :) LOVE HER! well tomorrow i have a dentist appointment, a sweet 16 and i have to go to my sisters college and help her pack up all her shit cause she has to be out of college or they will charge her a $100 dollar fine. how stupid ik. i swear they will try and get every cent from you any way they can. then maybe i will ask my mom if everyone can come over for a bonfire. i have had  one and that was marissa and brittany. i secretly miss them but i dont want to. i sometimes wish i can go back in time and see everything happen so i could have stopped the downfall of us all.  i just don't want my mom to be annoying cause i know when i have "guys over" she "hovers". whatevessss im not gonna sweat the small stuff anymore...or at least try not to.me and lauren are gonna go watch "romeo and juliet"! goodnight to all<3 iloveyou.

"i am finding out that maybe i was wrong,that ive fallen down, and i cant do this alone. stay with me this is what i need please. sing us a song. and well sing it back to you. we could sing on our own but what would it be without you..woah."

-paramore<333

when i saw this picture it made me smile for some weird reason...anyways, today wasan't as bad as yesterday. i went to school andmy best friend went to guidence. she was in big trouble today. her and this boy were sneaking around nd did...stuff. and her parents found out. hes 18. her dad said if he doesnt come to the house and talk to the parents today then there were calling the police and having him arrested. yeauh so i missed chorus and went with her to the guidence councler. i think it made her feel better. then the rest of the day was a drag. my stomach is twisting and turning. i dont know whats going on. did he go? did kristina get in trouble? did they call the cops? is shes going to school tomorrow? will she ever be ungrounded? are they still going to see eachother after this? i need annswers! whatever. i have a big spanish project due tomorrow. didnt start. and a math test tomorrow...i should get on that. peace.

how is it possible for you to make me happy, i just met you...this cant be happening..</3

"Tell me that you love me and it'll be alright.,Are you thinking of me? ,Just come with me tonight.,You know I need you.,Just like you need me.,Can't stop, won't stop, I must be dreaming."

-the maineee<333

Today was the probs the worst day thats going to come all week. i woke up felt like shit. went to school, of course your mad at me or "upset" with me. get home best friend comes over. helps a little. go to tropical smoothie and "study". got home, moms pissed and she wants my phone and is taking my computer away. 2 things i need to get threw this hell i like to call my life. every day fucking sucks. excuse my language but really? like i dont think i can fail any worse at school. my friends suck and my mom hates me. my other best friend is depressed and if she died i really dont know what i would do. shes the reason im alive today. she helps me through practically everything. and now its my turn to be there for her. it might take a while but im willing to fight everybattle and share every victory with her, by her side. thats what best friends are for right? well before my mom kills me i should go. goodnight..?

"gooo. break me down.. bury me, bury me.. i am finished with you...."

-30 seconds to mars<3

Today sucked...again. until i saw the girl in the picture above me. she gets me through it all. i dont care if i have her and kristina. there the best i could ever ask for. she makes my day better. i prolly sound like a lesbian in here but im not haha :). today i missed my bus, got driven in late like by 5 minutes, think i failed my global test, failed an easy math test because of stupid mistakes, and got into a fight with someone very close to my heart<3. i love this person so much and this person is so sweet and doesn't be treated like they should be. so i want to say im sorry. there prolly not reading this but i dont care. they deserve more respect than that and im sorry. i should appreciate you more and try  

and remember i love you, always<3.anyways then i went to lauren's and we took cool pictures but then it started to rain. went to the library from 6:30-7:30, came home ate dinner, and now im writing this. and i found out my other best friend did something today that should not be said on here. im not mad, im disappointed. well thats another story for another blog. i really hope i dont get something tomorrow. i prolly will with my luck. goodnight for tonight<3.

"And I'll run, Have a little faith in me,You're scared and alone ,And I'll run,This is where we both break free, I'll bring you home, you home, you home"

-The Cabbbb<3

She Will Always Be My Number One<3!Today in school sucked. I got my english test back and got a 70. wtf. english is my best subject and i got a 70 on a spelling test. All my friends suck. which is great. whatever. i would rather have 2 best friends that actually care, than 5 fake ones. after school i went to Lauren's house and she helped me with my spanish project. i love her. shes my best friend. she gets me threw it all. we go threw everything together. from school problems, to problems at home. shes there for me no matter what. i always know that i can tell her whatever i need. when the whole world is on my shoulders i know shes always there to help me hold it up. she makes me laugh when im sad or makes me feel better when im sick. yeauh she can be stupid sometimes but thats why i love her. even though shes not my sister, shes just like a 2nd one to me. i idont know what i would do without her. well now im going to the library with her to study for the biology regents. we should get alot done there. haha. goodbye till tomorrow<3!

"Another seven days, Heartbeat racing, The interstate, my home tonight, For one more long night, I'm sure as hell the happiest I've ever been"

- All Time Low<3

Mother's Day

Today is Mothers Day, so hapy mothers day to all moms out there. at like 10:00 we went to breakfast at the hilton with the family. we might go on vacation this summer but who knows. that probably wont happen. now im getting ready to go to tee-tee's with my sister and mom for dinner. yeauh i fight with her all the tim,but what kid doesn't fight with there mom. she knows i love herr. no matter what shes always there to talk. anyways, i have so much work to do also. its ridiculous. idek how im going to get it all done. whatever, lets see what happens. baii!<3

"It’s no surprise I won’t be here tomorrow, I can’t believe that I stayed till today, Yeah you and I will be a tough act to follow, But I know in time we’ll find this was no surprise"

-Daughtry

Today was a good dayyyy. except for the part where i had to vacuum the house to go out...yeauh. around 4:30, me and lauren went to target and got monsters and nnew headphones. those headphones already broke lol. after that at like 8:00 we went to seans house with dan, dom,tony,chris, mike, lauren,sean,hallie,kristen and stacy for a little :). it was the most fun ive had in a while. except Kristen's changing. everyone is. even me i will admit it, i am. but i cant tell if its in a bad way or good way yet..only time will tell. well everyday is a gift. time for bed,

goodnightt.<3

"my best friend gave me the best advice, he said each day's a gift, not a given right. leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind and try to take the past less followed by that first you take is the longest stride."

-Nickelback

Yesterday was fun i guess. i stayed at the school till 10:00 p.m. to help out with spotlight so i can get in for free haha. then i came home and slept. it doesn't sound like too much fun but i was with lauren, dan, hallie, sean,dom, tom and andrew. there pretty fun to be around. well today i'm probably just gonna be with lauren all day shopping for someone birthday gift and maybe i'm going to hang out with sean, dom, dan and lauren later, but as of now i have no iideaa. 

Today i have THE CAB stuck in my head :)<3

"singing myself to sleep, and your still my favorite melody..."

Today was stupid. I went in late because i didnt go to sleep till 3..idek. it sucks t have a cold. i forgot what it was like cause i havent had one in forever..whateves. i dont have that much work to do but i gots to study for bio and math,fun. 2 of my worst subjects. library soon to get on that studying.. 

hope tomorrow is going to go as planned. 

why cant i get the maine out of my head?! 

"She's 18  and a beauty queen, she makes the boys feel so weak..." 

<3!