i think these are the days we need to appreciate the things we have in front of us. you never know when they can disappear right before your eyes. appreciate what you have right now. go say i love you, thank you for everything, i will always be there for you, to those people that have changed your life, because one day you wont be able to. dont sweat the small stuff. live life to its fullest and dont think about the future. live in the moment. i know i contradict everything im saying here in my other blogs, but this is how im going to start looking at life now. so to everyone that has been there for me, thank you, i love you. yes, everyone can be a bitch or an asshole sometimes. and i can be a pain in the ass most of the time, so thank you for dealing with me anyway and being there for me. i hope you all know im here for you. if i dont show it, im sorry, but i really am. talk to me about anything, im all ears.

secret #8: i get her, but i dont think she believes i do. i get the fact that some people need someone to cry to or scream at.

People Change..And Some Just Wont.

Currently Listening: Iris-The Goo Goo Dolls
mmm. been in weird moods lately. one second i will be the happiest person alive, and the next i just want to tune out the world. well today, in school it seemed like you still had some feelings. but that all changed afterschool. you wouldnt leave her side. and youve been changing. what happend to the guy that told me everything? what happend to the guy that would say hi to me in the hallway? where did he go? i miss him, i dont like the new you. whatever. ive decided to give up for the time being. im going to be happy. i can do it. ive done it before. i should be used to this by now...right? anyways, i dont have alot of homework and that means i have more time to study for chemistry... ~*lovely~* oh well. i just want it to be friday already. and since i want to the week to go fastt...it will go slow. alright,probably write later..bye ive.

Secret #7: i wonder if people actually think i dress like a man..

"i think its time, to erase you from my mind, im walking away, once and for all, im not going to wait anymore, so i think its time, to erase you from my mind."

-Stephanie Abbate

All You Need Is Love..

Currently Listening: Bigger Than Love- My Favorite Highway

Today was actually a good day. school was alright, obv. afterschool me and kristina went to the libraryyy. were nerds and have the urge to TRY and make friends with everyone in our presence. ahhh. then she came back to my house and we talked and put up edward cullen pictures on my wall. LOL. I HAVE A PROBLEM. i also showed her a jornal entry i wrote about him and her. i didnt really mean it. i was just shocked. most of the stuff i wrote in there was just like randing right after it happened. she asked me how i have so much faith. to be honest, i really dont know. i guess she didnt see it but i did. the way they acted around eachother, the way he looked at her, all the time and effort they did to see eachother, thats not just so he could use her. because the things he said, that doesn't just come out of nowhere, that comes from the heart. but i understand how she has little faith in this situation, i mean i dont have faith with what happend with me and...yeah. like someone said today "well i should divorce her first because shes going to go out with ___ soon." like i think at that moment in time, my heart stopped. i just wanted to run away and forget that ever happend. i couldnt. i want to believe that will never happen but in reality, it will.... anyways, i do have faith he will come back. some day soon. i can see it now.

Secret #6: sometimes, i wish i was other people, anyone but myself.

"Some people change and some just won't,You can't take back the words you wish you'd never said, Promises break and lovers will lie,You hold up your hands and let out a sigh,So smile right before you fall,And lay beside this mess and call it consequence,Somebody said that life isn't fair

When somebody else was saying a prayer..."

-My Favorite Highway

Im Trying Not To Live My Life, Wishing You Were There..

Currently Listening: I Miss You- Blink-182

yesterday, me matt dom dan mike kristen sean and lauren all went to seans house. funtimes. but the bad part is, i think im starting to like him even more. i wish things would go back to the way they were. when lauren was with brian and i found out that he liked me and kristina was with him. but i just want him to realize that i have changed since then, in a good way...ithink. well, no other girl will care about him as much as i do. im pathetic. i waste my time following someone that already really likes someone else? whats the point of that? i should just move on to someone else. does anyone know how hard that is? maybe one day, he will realize, but for now...i will just wait here. today, im going out with my mom. so i should go get ready. bye!

Secret #5: i waste my 11:11 wishes on him.

"Don't waste your time on me you're already,The voice inside my head (I miss you, I miss you)"

-Blink- 182

i love kristina elizabeth faith achnitz <3

You Tell Me To Move On, Where Do I Go?

< Love.

Currently Listening: Girls Do What They Want- The Maine

so yesterday was a good day. i went into school late because i had chorus as a study hall. i didn't feel good all day but it was still fun. after school, me lauren and kristina went to laurens house and got ready for spotlightttt. they are pretty much my favorite people. anyways, we picked up kayla and we were on our wwayyy. in the car i was kind of...nervous? i dont know what it was. my stomach kept dropping and i couldn't tell if this was a good or bad thing. i think i know why though...lovely. but somethings he does makes me feel like he doesn't want to let go either. im sure he does because hes found someone new and more like him. i am happy for him, but its just weird. last night, it was total dejavu. last spotlight. i remember i was so scared. i thought he hated me and i know he was going to be there. when he came behind me and said hi, my heart just stopped. i was the happiest person alive. now this spotlight they sang all like breakup songs. but they were kind of happy ones. like i still miss you. lol the funny part is when kristina, lauren and kayla thought i was crying i wasnt. but when i was they didnt think i was. haha thats good though. i was just in shock. like one love song after another. and then they brought up the number "42" and sang thinking of you, by katy perry. i didnt even know how to react. oh well, today i think im hanging with lauren at 2:30 and then were gonna try and get everyone to hangout togetherrrr. lets hope that works..haha. well cable guy is coming soon so i should clean...bye!

secret #4: i miss you so much but sometimes, i dont even know why i try.

Lets Get The Hell Out Of This Town..

runaway with me..

Currently Listening: Into Your Arms- The Maine
today was alright. i dont think i did good on my 3 tests though. i was kind of...distracted. im not sure how to explain it. other than that. i overall had a good day. i went to the library wiff my best friend. she might think that other people are my best friends but like i can tell her anything and know she wont tell a soul. i love that about her. she can just sit there and listen to me ramble on about anything. it could even be the stupidest thing ever. shes always there to stick up for me. yeah, we can be bitchy to eachother once in a while, but five seconds later we will be laughing about it and how stupid we are. ahh. i love her. and NO IM NOT JUST WRITING THIS BECAUSE SHE THINKS I NEVER WRITE ABOUT HER xD

so about you saying hi to me today? like how random..? it was good though. it kinda completed my good day. but i dont get it.. like "all the time ive wasted on you, all the bullshit you put me through." dont even go there. you put ME through all the bullshit about me not holding your hand in the hallway and now "people dont know where going out" what happend to not caring what people think? is that all that mattered to you the whole time? so many questions and im getting no answers. i now, know what she means when she says the thing that bothers her most is being left with all these questions and hes not there to answer them. and i put my status as "I know you don't know this; but i care about you more than anything else, and no other girl canever change that. they can love you all they want or try to get with you, but that wont ever stop me from loving you, or thinking of you everywhere i go because my heart promised to love you forever." like and to think he put that part of the song the second after i posted mine? just because were not friends on facebook doesnt mean i cant see what your status's are. well at least i have no homework! lol well i should go clean my room..bye!

Secret #3: when someone asks me "whats wrong" and i say "nothing"...most of the time thats a lie.

"I'm fallin' in love,But it's fallin' apart.I need to find my way back to the start.When we were in love.Oh things were better than they are.Let me back into.

Into your arms."

-The Maine <3>

You Know That My Love Is On Your Side..

< SOME Of My Favorite People!

Currently Listening: On Your Side- A Rocket To The Moon

today was actually a pretty good day. school was good. and so was afterschool. ahh i love mah friends (: then, when i got home my chem teacher called my mom about me doing bad on a quiz. like stfu. she seriously ruins my day, i really cant stand her. i dont go to her extra helps because I REALLY DONT LIKE HER. okay, about him, lately, i feel like everything that happend between us is my fault. "well if i just would have left it on facebook, or i would have held his hand in the hallway." stupid shit. but my bestfriend said i shouldnt think everything is my fault because it wasnt. it sure does feel like it though. well, i have 3 tests/quizzes wednesday and i have 2 pages of homework to do still. OKAY BYE.

p.s did i ever tell you, that you were my best friend? or should i say best friends? i really love having both of you around. i probably dont show it enough but i just want you to know, im here. whenever you need me.

secret #2: i dont like looking into the mirror.

"I'm not feeling touch,I'm not making that much,And I guess I am blessed,But sometimes its just hard to see it,
or such."

- The Rocket Summer <3

Until You..

Let's just take our time
There's nothing else to do
What better way to spend the night
Than wasting it with you
The moon has won the war
The daylight waits to end
Stay here by my side
We'll watch the struggle start again

I need you now and forever
So stay right here with me
Don't ever leave
Love was kept from me like a secret
And I swore that I was through
Until you, until you

The city settles down
I watch you as you sleep
There's a silent celebration for
Every breath you breathe
Now this all makes sense
With you as company
I left all I knew and found
A better part of me, yeah

The time it took to find you
I would
Wait again my baby
The feelings that
I feel with you, yeah

until you until you until you

Currently Listening :And I Told Them I Invented Times New Roman-Dance Gavin Dance

its been a long, stressful, good week all in one. it amazes me how people can just run away. dont you have a conscious? i know i do. when i know someone is hurt i cant just walk away and say "oh well they will get over it sooner or later." but i guess you can do that. everyone sees what you to do me. i think im just starting to notice it now. but when your flirting with her it would be nice if you can stop staring at me. you hurt everyone in your tracks and you dont even care. im not going to be waiting forever. ill move on eventually, maybe not right away but thats alright with me. and when i write you something the LEAST you can do is acknowledge that i wrote it. whatever. if thats the person you really are i dont want anything to do with you. well anyways, yesterday was the best day overall. i stayed after with everyone including you and her. why did you keep looking at me? were you trying to make me jealous? kinda awkward. but not really. then me kristina and lauren went on laurens late bus and then we went to chilis wiff hallie. WE SAW JUSTIN AND MET A NEW GUY STEVEEE! ahhh love those silly kids lmaooo. good thing they think were "17" lmfao. today, im walking to target with lauren and we might go bowling after wiff everyone..if we can get everyone together. if you leave your friends now, one day you will know you need them and they wont be there. treat others the way YOU want to be treated. sisters family party tonightttt. BYE!

Secret #1: i love harry potter.

"So starting today things are gonna be all right,Your best you tried, and yeah you did fine,No better than fine, perfect in my mind,In fact, I wish your heart was mine.."

-The Rocket Summer <3

Currently Listening:The Worst Of Me- Saosin

it has been a long week. friday i went to hallies for a little and then, i stayed home and did nothing but watch degrassi and twilight. i was okay with that though. saturday i went out with my mom and we put up halloween decorations! i love halloween. then, i slept at laurens and we made cards and gifts for people ahaha. love her. sunday, i went to church with her and we went to the mall. we bought braclets. i felt like putting all of mine back on so i did and im kinda gladd. then, we went to matts party and it was fun. i found out alot about him. i found out matt had to pretty much tell him to say sorry. at least he was thinking about it i guess. and when he said "i met alot of girls but none of them compared to you" shit, was not true. he said he didnt mean it to other people. i just hate how he makes me look like the bad guy saying im the one that hurt him. he hurt me. many times. 3 to be exact. he changed his mind 3 fucking times on me. i wouldnt say he was the one hurt in the end. that would be me. and i sent him a message saying how i felt..and all he could say was "idk what to say :/" at least give me a reason why? no. so whatever. he will see whats its like one day. anyways... today lauren is coming over and were studying for global. then we might go to target or tropical smoothie..or out with people..hahah BYE.

p.s sorry if i did something to hurt you. lets just forget about the stupid shit and move on.

"I won't be here when you need me. When she leaves you in the dark, you will know how I felt. Just remember, I won't be here when you need me. Ill leave you in the dark just like you left me the first time."

_ ...

6 Months..

You're the direction I follow to get home
When I feel like I can't go on, you tell me to go
And it's like I can't feel a thing without you around
And don't mind me if I get weak in the knees
'Cause you have that effect on me, you do

Everything you say
Every time we kiss, I can't think straight
But I'm okay
And I can't think of anybody else
Who I hate to miss as much as I hate missing you

Months going strong now, and no goodbye
Unconditional, unoriginal
Always by my side
Meant to be together
Meant for no one but each other
You love me, I love you harder so

Everything you say
Every time we kiss, I can't think straight
But I'm okay
And I can't think of anybody else
Who I hate to miss as much as I hate missing you

So please, give me a hint
So please, give me a lesson on how to steal, steal a heart
As fast as you stole mine, as you stole mine

Oh and everything you say
Every time we kiss, I can't think straight
But I'm okay
And I can't think of anybody else
Who I hate to miss as much as I hate missing you

So please, give me a hint
So please, just take my hand.

Currently Listening: The End- Mayday Parade!

Today was a long day. i curled my hair and i guess it looked alright. i didnt really like it though. i was fine in 1st period then 2nd period i didnt feel good at all 3rd period came and i wanted to crawl under the desk and die. i felt horrible. i called my aunt. and she came and got me. when she dropped me off home i slept forever and then watched degrassi. after that i cleaned my room and now im getting ready for my first dance class tonightt. oh and i read her blog. i never said it was a "tradgey or crime" to have other friends. i was just saying i feel like were all becoming distant and it wasnt even about you. i felt like that about you too but it was about two other people..anyways! this weekend should be good. well i hope so. im soooo excited for friday for some reason. well TOMORROW! oh and i dont think im going to be writing in here for much longer. i might but i dont knoww.

"to all my friends, lets make this count, were not alone, how can you think, any of this was easy, with all the friends i long the way, We're all getting older now,And we all play a part in it,Innocence is falling,Can you hear them calling now?,But I'll be by your side until the end"

- Mayday Paradee!

Lets Never Get Older

Currently Listening: Vegas Skies- The Cab!

today was alright. didnt do much and didnt have alot of homework. i mostly watched music videos and did homework. i decided to wear my hair curly to school tomorrow. i really hope people grew up and dont make fun anymore. OH and dont be a poser. if you dont like something or you dont even know what it is dont draw it everywhere, and ESPECIALLY dont tell me that im the one that doesnt know what it is when i showed it to you. im not trying to sound mean but dont make me look like the idiot. i love you but really? no. and i found out something else today. he still likes me....he still likes me? i dont even know. somewhat it kinda feels like the first time i met him and i found out in the hallway that he liked me. kristina and lauren were like freaking outt. hahaha i love them. it kinda feels like that? its hard to explain. and i know im going on forever about random things, but i feel like you both dont have time for me anymore. you have better things to do then hangout with me or listen to my problems. you both met new people this year and you are getting closer to old friends. im not trying to get attention because i hate when people do that and its just stupid. maybe you have had enough of me? i dont knoww. well i guess you can say ive been acting weird lately but i wish i could tell you why because honestly, i dont even know myself.

"sometimes you just have to walk until you find something to worth walking to.."

- Alex DeLeon <3>

R.I.P sleep well...

i wish i could tell you how much we miss you...she misses you. <3

Sleep Easy

Currently Listening: Bellas Lullaby- Edward Cullen

Today was an alright day. afterschool me lauren and kristen jogged around hallies block. when they went ahead i thought i should give my running budy a visit (: i went to her house and we ran back to the school together. when we met up with kristen and lauren we walked to hallies house. well me and hallie jogged again! i kinda feel good even though im sore. i hope this diet thing im doing works though hhaa. i dont have that much homework, just quizzes and tests. whateves. lets hope i do good. tomorrow is HIS birthday. i dont really want to say who. i miss him so much. and when my mom says she doesnt think i can go to the cemetry with her and teetee? that gets me mad. im going. eventhough i hate missing school. i will. as much as i miss you, i know she misses you most. shes so alone without you. i dont want to ask how you both were together when you were younger because i dont want her to cry. i hate when she crys. when shes sad for some reason im sad. and i hate how some people dont talk to her. she lives alone and has nobody but my mom, dad, sister and me. i know she has said hurtful things and yes she can be super annoying but think of all the good she has done for you. when shes gone you will miss her and feel like a asshole. so put the childish play aside and start cherishing every moment you have with her. she can be gone any second now. RIP. tomorrow will not be a good day.

P.S the leaves are starting to change colors and fall from the trees <3

"death is peaceful, easy...life is harder."

-twilightt.

Somewhere Deep In My Soul, I Know Love Never Lasts

Currently Listening: Turn It Off [Acoustic]- Paramoree!

yesterday? was fucking amazingg. me and lauren were so close to the stage. barricade actually. only thing from us practiacally being on stage was the perverted unnecessary security lol. then after the show we met all of copeland. so niceee!!! (: haha after that, lauren slept overr. we woke up and heard my dad scream "JOAN, THERES A NAT IN MY COFFEE,FANTASTIC!, YUM!" lmaolmao we were like dying. then we studied and went out to dinner wiff my mom! and rented twilight. we came home and watched it then drove lauren home. now im attempting to think of to return my camera or not. its good but it doesnt take video and it doesnt have that good of zoom? ughhs, idkk. i also just read my friends blog. she was talking about how she feels cut off from the group. to be honest? i do but i dont. listen, ive tried to get close to you. i really have. ive tried to be there to listen and to comfort you with my stupidity and words but what else can i do? to have a friend you must be a friend. im always going to be here to listen, no doubt about that. but most of us feel like you will but any guy before me and well some of us. i dont want to talk for others but this is just what i heard. and dont think that your alone. were all just a phone call away. no matter what time, what season, what day..were here. whenever you need us (:

p.s sometimes i wonder if your all bullshit, or just partially.

"The power lines went out, And I am all alone, But I don't really care at all, Not answering my phone,All the games you played

The promises you made, Couldn't finish what you started, Only darkness still remains"

-Hey Mondayy

Relient K <3

Currently Listening: Misery Loves Its Company- The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

i guess i will write not considering i wont be writing tonightt. yesterday was one of the best days. after school, me, kristina and lauren stayed after so we can go on laurens bus. we didnt really do much. we were wiff ralph and then met up wiff catherine, paloma and other people. we talked to paloma and eric on the buss (: hehehe me and kristina were like freaking outt! we pretty much just sat at laurens house talking. then when kristina left me and lauren went downstairs and watched degrassi. funtimes! lololol that show is addicting. now today im getting ready to go to see relient k, copeland, barcelona and red jumpsuit apparatus! :D so excitedd! but something happend between last night and today. a person texted me. i havent talked to this person in 2 weeks and he texts me saying hes sorry for being an asshole. but he didnt talk to me because he was trying to get over me. he said he misses me or missed me. im not sure which one. im so used to this though. he said he "met alot of people but nobody that compared to me." im glad i had kristina and lauren to ask fer advice haa. i really dont know what to believe. i think i feel the same way but im not sure. i dont think i should. considering he changed his mind all of 17,000 timess. whateverrr. like i say all the time, time will tell.

"No matter how many times I tell you he'll break you heart, or how many times he does it, you'll never give up, Why you ask?...because you love him.”

<3