What Can I Say, Im Only Human.

Currently Listening: Dreams- A Letter To You

Today, i am not sad. i have no reason to be. in chorus today we talked about being thankful for things. so many different ideas were running through my head at that moment. i have my health, i have a roof over my head, i have parents that love me, and i have friends that i can trust. i have nothing to be sad over. in life, i have learned that you cant sweat the small stuff. when a time in your life gets tough, we have to remember all the good things we have it, and how someone out there has it 10x worse than us. someone has been on my mind recently. but i guess, its better to let go of something instead of waiting around forever for it to change. i cant change him and i dont think anyone else can either. i hate to say this but it hurts me to see what he has become. i miss the old kid i knew so well. i knew when he was sad and he wasn't afraid to talk about it with me. i miss when he would tell me hes here for me and that everything will be okay. i miss hanging out with him every weekend, and talking to him about absolutely nothing. i know people change, and thats apart of growing up, but change isin't always a good thing. i think i have learned that from past experience. its okay that its over between us, i was going to talk to him about the same thing. although i feel used, it doesnt matter now. its in the past and i wont let it happen again. and this time i mean it. never again will i put myself through the hurt..sometimes, i want to go back and change things. i hate regrets, but what can i say, im only human.

"And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.”

~Revelation 21:4 ♥

Secret #19: i like wearing warm hats in the winter and standing outside in the snow.

Take It Slow

Currently Listening: Always, Forever- Phil Wickham
amazing week. and what a great way to end it. new moon was fucking amazing. words cant even describe how good it was. friday, everyone went to laurenns. pretty fun times. saturday, i spent most of my time at the hospital with tee-tee. then, my mom and i went to laurens to hangout, and then she came back to sleepover. today, we went to the outletss and bought christmas gifts! im supposted to be studying but i cant focus. thats been happening alot lately. im just not there anymore. i feel like im always somewhere else. i think its because of you. but i dont care anymore. i always say this and then regret it, but i feel like im the only one trying. i never hear from you anymore. i dont get the same feeling when im with you anymore. i guess i should really go try and study..byeee.

"Let’s take our time and live our lives If you say you’re unsure Don’t call me to say,goodnight Don’t think that I’m not on your side We spent the whole year in this same,stupid fight"

Currently Listening: Tough Love- FTSKKK.
i dont get how one day can be horrible and the next day can be so good but that happened today. afterschool, i went to the library with danny. after, i met up with mike and kristina and we hungout in the hallway. we went outside and saw lauren and we all talkedddd. we got on the bus and me and lauren went back to laurens. she washed my hair xD! ahh i love herr (: now, im getting ready for twilightttt. and tomorrow, i think everyone is either going to the outlets or laurenssss. funtimes!

alright bye.

p.s i dont know what your problem is lately..your such a hypocrite.

"Take your time, Don't bother me with shallow alibis, It's your life and your decision, to do nothing with it, so admit it now, there's nowhere to go, but up from here"

-Broadwayyy.

secret #17: shes my bestfriend.

edit: never assume anything, you will get tied in alot of shit. <333

secret #18: most of the time, she hates me.

you fight with the ones you love most.

words cant even begin to explain how bad my day was.

maybe im too young to know what's real.

Currently Listening: Vulnerable- Secondhand Serenade

today was not too bad. after school, i went to the library and then chemistry extra help..i kinda hate it. mrs. stiso is nice to me at extra help but kinda a bitch in class. whatever. she puts on this tough act for everyone but shes not fooling me. she did say i should be doing better and she knows im trying which is a good thing. then we met up with dan and lauren and chilled. why do i feel like he still has feelings for her? im hanging around kristina too much. she makes me thinkk. hahaha. sometimes i feel like, i like him more then he likes me. maybe its too soon. idfk! im looking foward to thursday- friday! midnight showing of twilight then friday after school, outlets with lauren, kristen, sean, hallie, kristina, dan, mike, dom, tom, ralph, jake & matt hopefullyyy. well i have alot of studying and homework. byeeee.

"It's a tear in the dark, All alone in the car, In pieces, in pieces, It's the sound of mistake, As I lie here awake,Sleepless, sleepless,This is the sound that made

When a heart breaks.."

- Dave Barnes

edit: i hate the feeling where i know something is wrong, but i cant figure out what it is...that happens alot with me.

edit: i think i know why now.

Currently Listening: All I Wanted- Paramoree

today i guess you can say wasn't too bad. although i didnt appreciate the dirty looks, i honestly dont care. after school, i stayed after with kristina and went to the library. i finally realized we are officially nerds. im hoping tomorrow goes just as well as today did. i have lunch with lauren so it shouldn't be so bad. well, i guess i should go get my homework done. byeeee.

p.s im here when you need me.

Secret #16: i feel like my sisters right when she says your messing with my head.

"You and I, we do the worst things,Do or die, we both break hearts,You and I, we both have a boy,Someone you lost, so I had to let her go "

secrets, secrets are no fun, unless you tell everyone.

- i forget who i am sometimes

- the little things make everything better

- sometimes, i have to remind myself fairytales dont exist

- sometimes i like being alone

- i wish someone needed me

- if i could, i would do anything for them to be together again

- at 11:11 i make the same wish everytime

- i dont understand why people pretend to be happy

- i feel like i talk about my problems too much

- i miss all my friends

- i wish you saw what i see, when you look in the mirror

- ^ shes my bestfriend and she doesn't know it

- i know you get sick of me

- im too paranoid

- i am indecisive

- everything is awkward in my eyes

- i think i love my mom more than she thinks

- i feel like my cousins dont talk to me because im not like them

- i have 3 close friends

- i dont enjoy posers

- i hate when people say i could pull off being a man

- i know what she sees in him

- i have regrets and i always will

- i wish i was someone else

- ^ but i know that wouldnt make me happy in the end

- people underestimate me too much

- ^ mostly with school and my grades

- i wish i was 3 again

- i feel like she doesnt want to be my friend sometimes

- i cant trust anyone

- i listen to music too much

- i feel like you look at me like im gross

- i dont want to change after high school

- my best friend is changing right before my eyes

- im jealous of her

- ^sometimes.

- im not going anywhere in life

- i wish i had more friends

- i never want to live alone

- i wish i wasn't fat

- i love my sister

- i would die without my mom

- i feel like my dad thinks i hate him

- i want to be a musician

- ^ dreams are sometimes impossible

- some days i dont feel like talking

- i never actually feel pretty

- i would die without my best friend

- ^ she doesnt know that

- she makes me feel obese

- i really love harry potter

- if i act like her, would i have more friends?

- i like being cold

- im writing "i" way to much in this

- ^ thats not really a secret..

- im starting to become a bitch to everyone around me

- i make my mom feel like shit

- ^ but like i said before, i love her more than anyone

- i dont think anyone ever said something nice to me and ment it

- why are you always bipolar?

-^ it drives me crazy.

- i will prolly add to this in the future.

if you jump i will jump too.

Currently Listening: Skyway Avenue (acoustic)-WTK!
yesterday was a great day. i woke up at like 12. lolol. then lauren came over at 2 and we watched this movie the ugly truth. it was so funny. then i got dressed and went to matts with everyone. dan, matt, dom, tom, kristen, sean, lauren, cole, ben, and jake. he asked me out. he asked me out? ohwow. im like shocked it even happend. a few months ago i had no hope. i guess i can thank my best friend for giving me some. today, im going to tee-tees and thats pretty much it. today i feel blah, im not sure why. i should be happy right? ohwell. i guess its just one of those kinda days. ~*~boringday~*~ later, i might do that secrets thing that kristina did. its sucha good idea! lolol.kbyee!

P.S. i pray that one day, you and him will be together.

Secret #15: i hate chemistry

"Blinded by the lights,Hold you through forever,Won't let you go,'Cause if you jump I will jump too

We will fall together from the buildings ledge,Never looking back at what,We've done,We'll say it was love,'Cause I would die for you on Skyway Avenue"

TWLOHA

"You were created to love and be loved. You were meant to live life in relationship with other people, to know and be known. You need to know that your story is important and that you're part of a bigger story. You need to know that your life matters.We live in a difficult world, a broken world. My friend Byron is very smart - he says that life is hard for most people most of the time. We believe that everyone can relate to pain, that all of us live with questions, and all of us get stuck in moments. You need to know that you're not alone in the places you feel stuck. We all wake to the human condition. We wake to mystery and beauty but also to tragedy and loss. Millions of people live with problems of pain. Millions of homes are filled with questions – moments and seasons and cycles that come as thieves and aim to stay. We know that pain is very real. It is our privilege to suggest that hope is real, and that help is real. You need to know that rescue is possible, that freedom is possible, that God is still in the business of redemption. We're seeing it happen. We're seeing lives change as people get the help they need. People sitting across from a counselor for the first time. People stepping into treatment. In desperate moments, people calling a suicide hotline. We know that the first step to recovery is the hardest to take. We want to say here that it's worth it, that your life is worth fighting for, that it's possible to change. Beyond treatment, we believe that community is essential, that people need other people, that we were never meant to do life alone."

today was twloha day. it kinda made me think how its not worth it to do things like that. everyone has someone around them that loves them and cares about them. nobody is alone and nobody ever should be. we all should have someone in our lives to tell us everything will be okay. i know i have someone like that & i am so grateful. i dont think she knows im talking about her, but if she does, good. all i want is to see her happy again. and i know one day ill see her smile. but thats not till 2011. when he comes back. but as i was saying, everyone needs someone to tell them, they care and how much they mean to them.

anyways, today was a good day, after school, me, lauren, kristina, dan, and ralph stayed after. fun timess! haha hesa tell me what he has to tell me tomorrow. im kinda scared its something bad tho. oh well! tomorrow, i think im either going to laurens wiff them or the movieesss. but some people kinda bother me. like i guess you can say your a good friend, but some things you do just really bother me..idfk. maybe im just crazy. okay, got to go back to tee-tees partyy. bye.

Secret #14: i love dave barnes..

"For about four years I’ve hated this town, Yeah, so much I just wanna get out, Since graduation was long ago, Please somebody get me out of this hole, Cause I don’t want to get stuck in here, When I am thirty-four just talkin' 'bout high school years, No I don’t wanna be there, and feel so stuck right here, Back and forth, side to side, oh my dear"

-The Rocket Summer

love.

Currently Listening: Cant Take That Away- Friday Night Boys

"when you fall in love. you fall hard. we’re human we can’t help it. when you love someone, in a way you are trading hearts. you unzip your chest, reach for the heart of your loved and slowly insert it to yours, hoping to lock it away for a forever or two. most of us know the feeling. or maybe not. love is a curiously sly cat. love is falling, but never touching the ground. love is falling up. coincidentally when sitting down to write out each chapter of my life, i always seem to spit out the same bunches of y’s, o’s, and u’s. you find the person you love and it’s like a car crash. life turns to slow motion. it starts with the loss of breath, slowly makes your insides tingles, and ends with your cheeks being pulled up and away..almost like the puppet master himself is tugging at the strings connected to the corners of your mouth. love is your heart smiling in a monumental way. you start spending time with the person you care for and it only gets better. your nose starts to scrunch your nose a lot more…when you laugh, you laugh differently than you ever had before..because this time it’s real. you become attached to living life horizontally, and hell…you even start watching different tv shows and trying foods that you swore on the bible itself you’d never try. yes..maybe even colliflower. why do we fall in love? is it because we don’t want to be alone? can we help it at all? can love be influenced? whatever and however this little guy works…the job almost always gets done until your slow dancing in the kitchen listening to people with far better class, style, and voices sing to you about songs that make you feel like maybe somewhere in this world there is a niche you can finally fit happily into. and you know what? there might even be space for two.

you think about them everyday. you’ve hung all of your memories around all over your mind’s fridge with cute little magnets. you saved the tree bark from the tree you kissed them against. you’ve kept the movie stubs where you snuck out and caught a late night flick about everlasting love. remember walking out and telling them how the love in the movie was nothing compared to the one that you two shared? you hear their voices in the static between the radio stations that play the same 10 songs that they did three months ago. you see their face in your eyes when you look into the mirror for sympathy on the bi-daily basis. loving them was like swinging on a tire swing. hearing their voice sing into your ear was honestly the glue that held your bones together. you’d rather be able to lay under the night and just replay “us” in your head and smile to yourself than hold anyone else. you know it might not last forever. but who is to say forever starts or ends today? just like an old lamp, when the sun burns out…you just have to put a new lightbulb in. i don’t know what this all means..or what i’m really saying. i just know that this world has become so materialistic and none of that matters. my dad taught me my whole life that love is the only thing that matters in the end. we are all going through rough times…but things will get better. find someone that shines through it all. i’m still looking for that. i’m just like you guys. i want the ocean eyes. the california mind. the framed angel sky. i know it may take some time…but one day..i’m going to meet a girl who’s smile i use to speak, and though coins might make the clocks tick, love makes the hearts beat."

- Alexander DeLeon

i know that is long and annoying to read, but its worth it. it amazes me how one person can inspire me so much. every single blog he writes inspires me to go onand live life to its fullest. i thank him so much for that.. iloveyou.

i have to say yesterday was the best day of my life. although, me lauren and hallie waited in the cold for 7 hours, it was so worth it. seeing the bands that have changed my life,so worth it. today was a really good day too. i went into school just to see you. i took a math quiz and got 100! woah. good deal. then after school was good. i went to chemistry extra help and i am actually getting this stupid shit. then, i stayed outside with kristina, dan and ralph for a while till the late busses come. but he has to tell me something. kristina and lauren are convinced he likes me, but i dont think so. i think hes just trying to be a good friend. idfk. next time we hang out he said he will tell me...so fucking scared. i shouldnt be scared right? oh well. i hope tomorrow is as good as today was. except i have tee-tees birthday tomorrow..funtimes! alright, i should go study and finish off my homework..BAI!

Secret #13: i wish i could bring him back, just to see her really smile again, none of those fake smiles.

" I'm regreting it tonight,Pushing you away,I know you don't believe me,But I just wanna say,I remember conversations,Before I gave up on me,Well if it's any consulation,I remember everything,And you can't take that,No you can't take that away"

- Friday Night Boys!

Currently Listening: Cop Car- FTSK
today pretty much sucked. i havent had a really bad day like this in a while. well, mrs. frankonis wasnt in chorus so i guess it was good that we didnt have to sing..the rest of the day went downhill. i got dentention for "cutting" when i didnt. so my mom and the dean made a deal. LOL. i have to go to 3 chemistry extra helps. i guess thats not as bad as dentention right?...whatever. then i bomed my chem quiz...cool!.. at least im going to see FTSK IN TWO FUCKING DAYS. WAIT WHAT?! idfkk! (: well, tomorrow is tuesday. almost the last day of the week xD no school wednesday! alright, i should go finish my chemistry homework.

p.s i would put everything i ever wrote about you in an envelope.

secret #12: sometimes, i like to be alone.

"It don't do me any good it's just a waste of time,What use is it to you what's on my mind?,If it ain't comin' out, we're not going anywhere,So why can't I just tell you that I care?,'Cause I'm feeling nervous,Tryin' to be so perfect,'Cause I know you're worth it, you're worth it "

- Avril Lavigne?!

Currently Listening: Saying Goodbye- Every Avenue
today was really boring but good? i woke up, took a shower and went to tee-tees! ahh i love her. haha. then i came home, watched the proposal and now im doing my homework. watching that movie makes me want to go to alaska xD...ohwow. ive noticed i have been in better moods lately, im not worrying about the stupid shit. i cant believe im saying this, but i think i got it from you. you taught me alot and that was one of them. everyone around me in my family are all down and worry about everything. i cant do that anymore. if you do that, you will be down forever. who wants that? alright, im gonna go clean and study.bye!

p.s. 3 FUCKING DAYS....!!!!

Secret # 11: i pretend not to think about you.

" And this is how I cope with losing you. ,You pull me down and I don't know how to get back up, I've been stuck in this rut, for I don't know how long now. And it's hard to sleep cause I think too much all the time. "

-Forever The Sickest Kidss.

so yesterday, i went to laurens with kristina after school and we chilled fer a while. then me and lauren invited dan and ralph over LOL. oh cool?! we all hungout too, in the beginning i thought it was gonna be awkward but it wasn't. then she slept over, and now im cleaning my room cause im probs going to hallies soon. i dont have much to say but yesterday was really fun. i dont expect anything to happen anymore, going with the flow is much easier than being picky. i noticed it gets you father too. i guess i will write laterrr. BAI BRO.

p.s 4 FUCKING DAYS.

Secret #11: i hate that i love you.

"Cause this ain’t where it’s at,My friends will second that,And I gotta admit sometimes it’s pretty sad,But it's like were our own brat pack,We're always kickin back nobody can take that,And that is that it’s like its all we have"

- the rocket summer!

Currently Listening: Hallelujah- Paramore!

School was suprisingly alright today. somehow you ALWAYS come make your way into my mind, its frighting actually. whatever, afterschool, i was supposted to go to the library wiff kristina but we bought pizza and sat at my locker with danny, meh and her. funtimes! but what i dont get is how you say theres drama,when there is none! ohwell. not going to start any either (: hayley williams is my love of the week. well, ive always loved her but paramore and every avenue are on repeat in my head. boring day. hopefully tomorrow will be better!

bye..

Secret #10: i love the library..

p.s i swore i would never sing of love if it does not exist but, you are the only exception.

" thats what you get when you let your heart win."

Currently Listening: Thats What You Get-Paramore

i haven't written in about a week. pretty sad. anyways i will start with friday. kristina lauren and kristina came over, and then me and lauren went to this church thing to help out. then i went back to her house to sleepover. saturday we woke up and decided to be a guy and i was a nerdd. ohboy! haha. then we went to kristinas and went trick or treating. lulz. we were tired after like an hour, so we went to kristinas and chilled. at 5:30 we went to kristens with everyone. did you ever feel like nobody in the room wanted you there? thats waht it was like. not even a hello from anyone...except..him. so me and kristina went out by ourselves to go trick or treating more. nobody even knew we were gone, well, except kristen when she came outside for like 5 seconds. when we all went out trick or treating me and kristina went a few more houses then we went to laurens house...yeah. about that. oh, and i felt kinda bad because i fell asleep and she was just like sitting there. thats when i knew i was sick. sunday i slept all day and did nothing, monday my mom took me to the doctor and i had a "low grade fever." whatever. today im a little better, and i have alot to catch up with. i think laurens coming over to help do my hair. lolol. no straightner? goodthing. alright, and one more thing, i cant run after you anymore, im worn out, so have fun with her, but dont come back to me when it doesn't work out,

p.s i have been in the greatest mood lately.

"i wonder how am i supposed to feel, when your not here, cause ive burned every bridge i ever built when you were here, i still try, holding on to silly things i never learn oh why?"

Secret # 9: i listen to songs on repeat, way to much.

8, 17 <3333