56.

Currently Listening: Another Song About The Weekend- ADTR

today was just a blah day. i didnt do anything. i woke up, did my hair, read for 9,000 hours, and went to target. that was my day. its amazing how much i think about you in one day. and im sick of it. i want you out of my head. i want to stop thinking about how you and your family are doing. i want to stop thinking if i should text you or not. i want out. but we all know..thats never gonna happen. ever. i met someone else thats really nice, but i need to stop comparing him to you. its not good. i do that with every guy. maybe thats why im not getting anywhere. well i dont want to go to school at all tomorrow. 1. i have to see you and 2. i hate school. im going to go read more..bye.

p.s. i love you, bestfriend.

"They keep playing sad songs on the radio,And I feel like I'm so alone,On this 15 hour drive,And all the while I tell myself to just believe,Cause nobody can give so much,And never get anything,(never get anything),Everyone I used to know,says they don't know what i've become,But I'm still the same,Not much has changed,I still know where I came from,I fell asleep with the lights on,And I can see that you're the first one in a long time.,That had some faith in me"

-ADTR.

55.

^ <3>

Currently Listening: Homesick (Acoustic)- ADTR

today was a good day i guess. i went to laurens house at like 12:30 and we had mat and danny cuevas over. we walked to sawmill and ran around the school till we got yelled at by a janitor. hahahaha. then i went dress shopping with my mom and sister. i thought about you all day today. and thats pretty much it. i think im starting to like this kid, but really all ive heard is bad about him. i could never see myself liking him but i guess change is always a good thing. and i think i have decided to have a sweet 16 now. im kinda scared though and for all the wronng reasons i dont want one. anyways, im going to go watch a movie. kbye.

p.s i dont even know who im trying to fool. i miss you so much it hurts.

"Been through a lot this last year,Like everything I love is slipping away,And every time I come home,Somebody it isn't there

I got to get it together,I got to do things for myself,I've giving everything,Plus you take some from me,I need some room to breath"

- ADTR

54.

^ mylife.

today was so good. i woke up and heard that we didnt have any school because of the snow. like really?! thatsjustamazing. then lauren came over at like 2:30 to get dressed. then we went to jackies sweet 16. she looked really nice. then after the party, lauren slept over. we were like dead tired. ahahaa. tomorrow, i think im going to laurens to hangout with mat. and then going out dress shopping. should be fun. okay bye.

"holdin' it down for the underground"

53.

^ I DONT KNOW WHAT TO WEAR.

Currently Listening: One In The Same- Cady Groves

todaay was actually pretty good. school was...school. i stayed after for math and got all my work done. i saw him. hahaha idek whats wrong with me. and then i talked to "edward cullen" on the bus...aahaha. me and kristina call him that because we never knew his name. werecoolkids. came home and did nothing except cleaned. i didnt have any homework which was amazing.. two days in a row! well. im kinda missing you but i really dont want to text you. whatever. tomorrow is jackies sweet 16, so that should be fun. i wish hallie and kristina were going too. :/ im going to go watch greys, bye! :]

p.s. you were right...its like you never even existed.

" i'll count the reasons why,i should count on the day,you'll look in my eyes and say,this love,it just dont feel right,and i'll wipe your eyes,and say baby dont cry,cause i had you this time,and im gonna,im gonna be alright"

- Cady Groves

52.

Currently Listening: Where Are You Now- Justin Bieber........ihatehim.

i think im better today. homework and tests stress me out. way to much. and the thought of you does also. well i dont feel like writing alot today. so bye.

p.s. i think im staring not to miss you anymore..

"where are you now? when i need you the most?"

51.

currently listening: god gave me you- dave barnes

i cant even handle this anymore. today was probably 10x worse than yesterday. gum stuck to my bag and shoe, forgetting my bus number, not doing any homework and getting screamed at by my math teacher AND my dad. yeah, lifes pretty SUCKY. i just want to like dissapear. i guess your right. my head is somewhere in life. but i just wish someday im going to be something. im going to do something with my life, and shock you all. especially you. im not going to be a failure in life. so you can stop saying that. maybe edit later....if im still breathing.

p.s thanks.

edit: i finally let it all out. i cried. i cried because i want to be something when im older, and you telling me i wont..im starting to believe it. i cried because i want you back but im not sure why. i cried because i dont want to feel alone all the time. i cried because i thought about what my life would be like if i lost my best friend. i dont think i would be able to survive without her. i cried because i want my grandpa back and i want my grandma to feel better. and i cried because i dont know whats wrong with me. goodnight.

"ive been a walking heartache, ive made a mess of me"

- dave barnes

50.

^ im stupid.

Currently Listening: Car Crash- Matt Nathanson

i dont know anymore. thats really what it comes down too. everyday is almost the same. i stay after, go home, do homework, eat, sleep. if anything happens in between its mostly negative. nothing positive. there needs to be more positive in my life. i think every guy i even have feelings for likes my best friend. i dont know. i guess i cant worry about that shit anymore. im really trying to do better in school. everyone knows what they want to do as a career........except me. the things im interested in, aren't even real jobs. and another thing. i used to be so creative in this thing. i guess i gave up on writing so much because nobody reads it anyway. ohwell. and plus, i dont even have time. i guess i should start making time, right? ALICE IN WONDERLAND COMES OUT IN 11 DAYS. okay sorry. maybe edit later.

"I'm wide awake and so alive, ringing like a bell, tell me this is paradise, and not some place i fell, cause i keep on falling down. i want to feel a car crash, i want to feel a cats sides, i want to feel a bomb drop, the earth stop, till im satisfied. i want to feel a car crash cause im dying on the inside. i want to let go and know that ill be alright."

49.

Currently Listening: When I Look At You- Miley Cyrus........

today was good i guess. cleaned mostly all day. went to target and bought a book called The Last Song. im kinda excited to read it. well the guy i messaged actually answered. kinda shocked he did actually. went to the movies at 7:10 to see percy jackson and the olympians: the lighting theif. it was absoutley amazing. now im home thinking about studying or reading. chemistry test tuesday. gym tomorrow...great. ugh somehow..i wish there was no school tomorrow.

p.s i miss you.

"Yeah, when my world is falling apart, When there's no light to break up the dark, That's when I, I, I look at you "

48.

Currently Listening: Walking On A Wire- My Favorite Highway

today was okay. i didn't do much again. at 7 i went to jakes house with a bunch of people. thats was fun. then i went to lauren's for a little with my mom....yeah. and thats pretty much it. though i'm not sure what has been wrong with me lately. somedays its nothing, somedays its everything. i dont know. and why did i message a random guy? i dont even know what i was thinking. hes going to be like whatthefuck. oh well. cant worry about that now. alls i know is i really dont want to go back to school in 2 days..

"She said show me the world thats inside your head,

Show me the world that you see yourself, you could use Some help
Cause sometimes it comes with a shove, when you fall in love"

- Angels & Airwaves

47.

Currently Listening: Tidal Wave- Owl City

today was god awful. i didnt even do anything. i mostly hungout with my parents all day....ohwell.

everytime i see you online, my heart like stops. its pretty weird. i kinda hate it. im not gonna even get into the whole story because its just gonna make me upset and i really dont want to be right now. i think im going to watch avatar now. maybe edit later.

bye.

"I wish I could cross my arms, and cross your mind"

- Owl City

46.

Currently Listening: Comfortably Confused- I See Stars!

today was good i guess. me and lauren woke up and just watched teve. then we got ready and went to the mall/cheesecake factory with hannah, jake, lauren & jackie. that was alot of fun. i dont even know why i think about you so much though. not really in the mood to write today. bye.

"those nights where you just cant seem to fall asleep, its because your awake in someone else's dream."

45.

Currently Listening: Vanilla Twilight- Owl City

didnt do much today either. cleaned around the house, then got ready to go to laurens! at 5:30 lauren, kristina, hallie and I all went to chilis. we obvs. found a waiter to cr33p on. then we walked to barnes & noble. i started reading The Last Song and its so good. i think im going to need to go back and buy it. i wish you thought of me as much as i think of you. im not gonna let it bother me though. i cant. im still deciding on a party or to go away. i hope i make the right choice and not regret it. the relationship situation. notgood. the kid i thought i was starting to like obvs likes my other friend. the on e i did like was an assfuck, and one lives too far away. sometimes i feel like this only happens to me. whatever. i have my best friends. laurens sleeping over again. cheesecake factory tomorrow night wiff everyone? k night.

"forever is a long time, but i wouldnt mind spending it by your side."

- He Is We

44.

Currently Listening: Light A Way- He Is We

today is good so far. woke up and watched Its Complicated wiff lauren. she left and i cleaned up. later, i think were either going to see Dear John Or Percy Jackson And The Lighting Theif. we dont know which one yet. nothing else is really going on. except the fact that i hate formspring. like i know people say dont make one if your gonna get upset. so thats why i got rid of it. because honestly, i dont really want to hear every single person write negative shit just to make me feel worse. who knows. maybe all my friends did ditch me. i dont know. lauren said dont let it get to me, but thats kinda hard. whatever. i should just forget about it. but i cant. i think i kinda want it to be summer too. although i hate the hot weather. i like the mood everyone is in. I STILL DONT KNOW WHAT IM DOING FOR MY SWEET 16. EVERYONE KNOWS BUT ME. okay im done ranting, bye.

p.s. i need to get over you sometime, so why not make that day today.

edit: all i really did today was went to friendlys with lauren and played Modern Warfare 2. were cool kids [:

"tonight i pray, light a way, im alive, light away, from above, shine it down, lead me home, back to him."

43.

^ <3

Currently Listening: That 70's Song- The Cab

today was okay. i didnt really do much. lauren came over and we finished my poster. im proud. aahahaha. then we went out to dinner with my fams. that was actually pretty funny. lauren came over and we watched the buried life and The Blind Side. Now, shes sleeping over i guess hahaha. ~her family forgot about her~ okaybye.

p.s. two can play at your stupid games.

"We've heard all about you,We know you're every move,Cause you're paper thin,And it's visible.And with or without you,He'll make it through,Cause you're paper thin,And it's visible."

-The Maineeee.

42.

Currently Listening: Hallucinations- Angels And Airwaves

happy valentines day? i dont even know. i hate this holiday. i woke up and went downstairs with my family. i got a $25 itunes gift card from my dad and a shirt, necklace and candy....itsonlyvalentinesday. i told them not to but of course they didnt listen. we went to panera bread and now im sitting on my computer. me and my mom might go look at sweet 16 places later. idk yet though. or we might go to the hospital to celebrate laurens dads birthday. idfk. and i dont know why you were acting weird though. im kinda glad you texted me first though. maybe we will videochat again later. or i might watch 2,000 movies. MOVE TO NY. okay im done. maybe edit later.

p.s i love you.

edit: kinda a really sucky day. hes obvs. ignoring me. went shopping with my mom for like nothing. went to the sheradon to see rooms for my sweet 16. then went to laurens to watch a movie called "a lot like love" goodmovie. now im sitting here, bored again. nows the time i wish he would text me back. and btw i learned theres a point in time when you should stop trying to be the bigger person. probs going to watch a movie now..bye.

"Do you remember the nights, We made our way dreaming, Hoping of being, Someone big, We were so young then, we were too crazy, In love "

- We The Kings.

41.

PICTURE LAYTER.

Currently Listening: Up, Up And Away- The Icarus Account

today was a good day. last night i slept at hallies and video chatted with mason till like 2:30. ahaha, were obvs. cool. well i dont want to go into detial but i think i learned a little bit more about him then i thought i would. im glad i did. today, me and hallie watched paranormal estate. what a good show! i never thought id like it but i really did. then, i came home and now im cleaning my room. i need to go to target to get my mom a gift but nobody can take me....shit. anyways, im supposted to be going to the movies soon with hallie and kristina to see valentines day! i really want to see that movie. anyways, i guess i should go make her a card now...bye! possibly edit later!

p.s. "In the nights that I dream, I dream of you and me, and everything I wish we could be"

- Stephanie Abbate

"and i know i'm just a teenager, i know i'm preset to think i'm in

love when i'm not and to feel like it's the end of the world when its not

,but i also know thatif i love himthe same amount when
he's right next to me, and when i haven't seen him in three
months, it can't all be in my head. if someone's been stuck in-
side of you for two years straight it's more thaninfatuation.
saying this is just something i'll grow out of would be the easy
answer, but it's not the right one. this is one teenager who is
really in love."

40.

^ best friends + apple store = fun stuff! <3>

Currently Listening: Saltwater Room- Owl City
well. i didn't write yesterday because i didn't have a computer. thanksdad. he took it away because he found out i had gauges and supposedly i lied about having them. negative. well thursday we had a snow day and i didnt really do anything. considering there was nothing to do. today school wasnt that bad. i got a " secret admirer" but i kinda know who it was. afterschool, me kayla lauren and kristina went to the mall. i only bought sparkley liquid eyeliner but its pretty cool. ahahaa. sleeping over hallies..probably video chatting wtih mason later...? okaybye!

" hey there Delilah whats it like in new york city, im a thousand miles away but girl tonight you look so pretty, yes you do."
- Plain White T's

39.

Currently Listening: Dare4Distance- NeverShoutNever

what a good snow day. i did nothing! i watched two movies, did my global homework and worked on my poster. i still dont know where im going to put it.~ i have a math test tomorrow and i have chem homework. its a good thing i left BOTH of those binders in school. what an idiot. so im kind of praying we dont have school tomorrow. we probably will though. im going to try getting notes offline that i can study for math. alright, im going to get ready for tomorrow...justincase.

p.s. i love you.

" Mondays I sleep away, Tuesdays I lay awake, Wednesdays, they are the worst, Thursdays I reminice

Fridays I see your face, And I can't breathe, Although the distance is daring, I sure know what it's like to be alone"

38.

Currently Listening: Everything- The Classic Crime

today was good i guess. didnt do much in classes. except i have a math test on some shit thursday. good thing i dont have my binder to study. whatever. not going to let that ruin my mood. WE HAVE A SNOW DAY. im so happy. and i ordered my class ring tonight. pretty stoked. i texted him. he never texted me back. yet hes on facebook? whatever. its stupid to like a kid from out of state. but i cant help it. i also lost my gauge......but just one...idfgi! how did i loose one and not the other..? ohwhatever. i need to get new ones asap! okay write tomorrow. bye!

"and I can't deny your eyes, You know I try to read between the lines, I saw a warning sign, And then you threw me up against the wall, Who said that it's better to have loved and lost?, I wish that I had never loved at all."

37.

^ this picture makes me smile for some reason.

Currently Listening: Break Out! Break Out!- All Time Low

today was an okay day. didnt really do much. im so glad im doing better in chemistry though. some people bother me. and i think all boys should fall off the earth. thats my feelings towards today. i should probably go finish my health project...okaybye.

"Break out, break out,As we escape through the windows,Head for the car, and never look back, singing-singing,"Break out, break out, Our time has come and we've got these big city dreams.""

36.

^ i love my cousins.

Currently Listening: This Is The Thing- Fink
today so far, is a long day. this morning. my cousins emma and kiyle came over. we had to watch them. there cute though. i never see them so i love them hahahaa. then i took a shower, made a braclet and straightned my hair. now were all going to carvel and tee tees house. i havent seen her in a while either. well today i dont really have anything to complain about. except everytime i text him he doesnt answer? whatever. i give up on him. nothing could even happen between us ever anyways. CANT WAIT FOR BREAK AND ALICE IN WONDERLAND TO COME OUT. okaybye.

"I don't know if you noticed anything different, It's getting dark and it's getting cold and the nights are getting long, I don't know if you even noticed at all,That I'm long gone baby, I'm long gone, And the things that keep us apart keep me alive and, The things that keep me alive keep me alone"
-Fink

My Life? Yes.

I know you lie to yourself, I won't lie to you.

A broken heart wont mend unless you want it to.

The secret smiles, the awkward silences, the sideways glances;

those days are gone - I get that. And you know what?

I'm cool with it. But let me set a couple of things straight.

First off, I don't know why I loved you. All I know is that I did.

Maybe it wasn't true love, but it was the closest thing I've ever felt.

And even though I didn't get my perfect happy ending,

even though you chickened out and left me hanging like an idiot,

I still believe you're a good person; and I wish you the best.

Really, I do. So go out there and find whatever makes you happy.

The memories are already starting to blur around the edges,

but God knows I couldn't ever forget you completely.

Do you understand what I'm saying here?

I'm saying that whether it's a good thing or a bad thing,

you are the reason I am who I am today. Oh God, I hope you know that.

I hope you know that you were the most important

person in my life for a very long time.

You were the guy I thought about while listening to all those songs,

the one guy who made me actually look forward to Mondays.

You were the guy who could make or break me, who had my heart,

but never bothered to do anything about it.

Just as Taylor had Drew, I had you.

You'll be the highschool heartache I'll tell my kids about.

35.

^ lovelovelovelove.

Currently Listening: Painting Flowers- All Time Low

for the most part today was a good day. woke up and dissapointed to see no text messages from you. im not sure why i actually thought one day we would be together. i got dressed and read 14 chapters in dear john. i was on my last chapter when kristina called to tell me she was on her way. went to go see dear john at 7 with hallie and kristina. i couldnt stop thinking about you. it was an amazing movie. i honestly would go see it again right now. i texted him when the movie was over but still nothing. mad? never. dissapointed? yes. tomorrow, i think i might see lauren if shes home. if not, ill probably study for something. anything. id do anything to get both of you out of my head. weird thing is im not sure why my mom is in a bad mood all the time. i think someone needs to show her that life is to short to be upset over nothing. i hope we videochat later? ive learned to never get my hopes up. goodnight.

p.s i want to read every nicholas sparks book out there.

"I finally understood what true love meant...love meant that you care for another person's happiness more than your own, no matter how painful the choices you face might be."

- Dear John- Nicholas Sparks

34.

^ bestfriends.

Currently Listening: Dreaming With A Broken Heart- Alica Keys

what an amazing day. today there were shortned minute periods cause of avid. i always loved that assembly. then after shool, lauren and kristina came over. we walked to king kullen and applebees! we were actually thinking about paying in all quarters....c00lkidsiknow. i love them. i think im going to videochat with him tonight but im not sure. it seems like he doesnt want too. whatever, if he doesnt than fine. well tomorrow, im going to see dear john...SOEXCITED. okay, im going to go finish reading.baii.

p.s dont pretend like you know me. you dont.

"so tonight, im gonna find a way to make it without you...tonight"

33.

Currently Listening: All That Ive Got- The Used
what a weird day. school was okay. afterschool, i stayed after with kristina and we graffitied mr. tunicks desk with post its that say random things...wereretarted. we had too much fun. got home and now doing annoying homework. one thing that has been on my mind. do you really not care anymore? not even the slightest bit? its just shocking. i guess shit happens and people move on. good thing i cant. tomorrow, is avid day. that means some periods are shortned and some are 1 hr long. spanish and chemistry i have for an hour...killme. i should prolly start my global project. possibly edit later.

p.s thanks for being my best friend

"i reflect on these things. and as always, our time together comes back to me. i find myself remembering how it began, for now these memories are all i have left."

- Nicholas Sparks.

32.

Currently Listening: Changing- Saosin

did you ever even think about how i would feel after you said that? probably not. im a person. a girl in specific. im not one of your guy friends. im a girl with feelings. im sick of people saying im a guy, im fat, im ugly, i cant match, im never going to get anywhere in life. because one day. im going to prove all of you fuckers wrong. i think my best friend is probably the only one that can relate and her being there, sticking up for me, means everything. i know i shouldn't listen to people. i hope it doesnt get to me though. so far it isint. thats a good sign right?

today was an alright day other than what you just read above. i have alot of homework but im going to try and get all of it done. the book im reading is also amazing. dear john. i cant wait to see the movie! okay, i should go finish my homework. bye.

P.S i know all of your secrets.

edit: i guess he was right. why did i even try to think diffrently?

"im going to be burning till you return"

31.

^ inspiration.

Currently Listening: Ill Run- The Cab

damn. what a rough day, but a good day. the beginning of the day i just wanted to hide in the bathroom. everything went wrong i dont even know where to begin. until math extra help? the last place i thought would somewhat make me feel better. i guess its a relif to know mr. tunick doesnt actually hate me and he knows im sort of trying. afterschool, lauren came over and we did some of our homework. then we went to ihop and target with my mom. came home took and shower and did homework. i just finished straightning my hair. i wish i could just come out of the shower and my hair will be straight. i guess a girl can only dream hahaha. i dont really know what to do. random hellos keep me wondering. and no hellos at all keep me wondering too. except good thing its with 2 different people. and the third one...i just dont know. its a weird situation. i have so much do this week that i actually cant believe im not doing it right now. okay maybe ill go start...bye.

p.s finally bought dear john <3

"When his eyes met mine, I felt something click, like a key turning in a lock. Believe me, I'm no romantic, and while I've heard all about love at first sight, I've never believed in it, and I still don't. But even so, there was something there, something unrecognizably real, and I couldn't look away."

"As we drifted apart, I was becoming more desperate to save what we once had shared; like a vicious circle, however, my desperation made us drift apart even further."

- Nicholas Sparks!

30.

<3

Currently Listening: Kelsey- Metro Station

hi. its february 1st. 13 more days till valentines day...fuckingcool. i honestly hate valentines. its really only a holiday for couples. my dad calls it the hallmark holiday. anyway, today was alright. i was shocked you sorta said hi to me today. i couldnt stop thinking about you though. its kinda weird. i dont really have any homework so thats a good thing. im working on this poster though for my room. maybe a picture when im done. possibly edit later.

p.s im paranoid that you will forget about me.

"I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out,I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while"

- Rascal Flatts